You may not be amused/surprised that I'm sad my black eye is all but disappeared.
I've fallen in love with how differently strangers treat me when they talk to my eye and not my person.
People know this for many sorts of reasons, and they're not always positive.
But this particular change in my face --
MY EYE --
has freed me, turned me into object that has turned me into hyper-subject,
unable and uninterested in resisting scrutiny, knowing that is unpinpointable -- which is why it is fun to hunt.
This is not strictly on the shoulders of Others; I'm tickled at how differently I look at myself!
How much looking in the mirror has varied this week and a half.
It's not sheer coincidence that it has taken a physical (and painful, intimate) endeavor with my self to return to sharing here with any regularity. I'm slowly gathering energy to re-introduce myself to this format -- documenting change is such an easy reason to move your 'publish now'-finger.
Returning to Houston on Sunday means moving toward a quieter self with much less distraction, both good and bad.
I'm dreaming (scheming) ways to fill (feel) my days (daze).
I am bringing home a self with a perpetual (if invisible) black eye.
No comments:
Post a Comment