I'm Traci Lynn Matlock.
I live and work in Houston, Texas.

Mostly, I shoot old-fashioned film.


I share more: here

And I always like email:
turningthequickcartwheel at gmail

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

'The Present is a limit... it is a tension between the past and the future. It isn't a Given.'

*  *  *

What do I want when I travel? To get closer to something, which often means to get farther from something else.


That's oversimplifying and falsely suggesting a distaste for where I began.

It's more like a reprieve from the present.

 Though that sounds like an eventual distaste for where I traveled.


Traveling is a non-space (as you experience in an airport).
 It's a place where new connections feel stronger because within them I am also feeling the loss of the ones I left behind.

I am not referring only to people but to, especially, territories.
I am referring to psycho-geographies (I think).


Traveling requires movement but usually not my own physical movement, not extreme metabolic movement.
These movements leave scars, dirt, exhaustion.


 I am referring to a 'dis-infected' movement.
 
We mount an airplane or a train or a bus or a driver's seat or a bicycle seat and Go Somewhere Else,
at least temporarily.


We take away our own sense of place: we become dis-placed, removed from place.


Our sense of time and space is distorted, more possibilities intuitively seem to exist.


But this displacement is violent. 


 Travel aggressively picks us up with an over-seeing hand and drops us in an arbitrary dot on a map.


We imagine we have more choices, more freedoms, because our usual responsibilities have been removed, hidden.


 If those same responsibilities (family, friends, jobs, homes, etc.) had been removed without warning and without permission? 


I can imagine no greater horror and disappointment.


 They say that the fastest movement in the animal kingdom is caused when an animal is Terrified, is Prey. 
An already agile animal can double or triple her speed if she feels she is being chased.
We cannot suddenly run twice as quickly because we choose to; our body chooses speed for us: out of fear.
 

How is driving any different? 
Is it possible to drive toward something 
(innocent vacation, for instance; New York, for instance) 
without driving away from something else?


I have left places because I had no other choice.
I moved from Beaumont, Texas because had I stayed I would have drowned (I was instead arrested, literally).
I left domestic, married life because I could no longer desire a sense of singular self.


These were, of course (as they always are), paths of my own making.


But even if I've built my own predator, it doesn't make my fear any less palpable or abundant.


 To 'dis-place' one's self for fun and by choice is no less dangerous.

 
To vacation is to move, let's say in a car, from one city to another.


 It is to mount (as you would a horse) a seat and, without expending any real corporeal energy, 
travel a distance that, these days, would be improbable for most people (and their lifestyles) on foot.


My body situates itself in a metallic rectangle for the sake of movement -- is this not a prosthesis?


 Body & Car become hybrid, an erotic coupling for the sake of movement, for the sake of out-running terror.


I extend myself (prosthesis of the car) to extend myself (to a new geographical place).
The word to define this is: progression?




5 comments:

Ash LaRose said...

I cannot express to you how identical I am feeling right now. Seated and still, and buzzing with fear and energy. A fear and energy that almost caused me to do something, possibly, very stupid today.

Ziesdov61 said...

I hope some of this is metaphorical, particularly the terror part -- I would be very sad if you were living in actual terror.

Travel has no element of negativity for me (well, I'm not a fan of airport shlepping, I'll admit). It's about adventure and learning, either finding something new, or going someplace I've been before, which shows me how I have changed. Particularly now that I have a family, finding things to delight and amaze my three-year-old is a joyful exercise. I'm looking forward to showing him as much of the world as I can afford.

Another part of the joy of travel for me is the joy of coming home. It's wonderful to get away from it all, and it's wonderful to get back to it all. I hope you feel some of that, too.

zemmely said...

Thank you for this. I am in the process of leaving married life, and am hoping to find myself at the beginning (or middle) of a road to travel, rather than a cliff to jump from (metaphorical, of course).

Here's a poem by Galway Kinnell; I kept thinking of it as I was reading what you have written.

Driving West

A tractor-trailer carrying two dozen crushed automobiles overtakes a tractor-trailer carrying a dozen new.
Oil is a form of waiting.
The internal combustion engine converts the stasis of millennia into motion.
Cars howl on rain-wetted roads.
Airplanes rise through the downpour and throw us through the blue sky.
The idea of the airplane subverts earthly life.
Computers can deliver nuclear explosions to precisely anywhere on earth.
A lightning bolt is made entirely of error.
Erratic Mercurys and errant Cavaliers wander the highways.
The girl puts her head on a boy's shoulder; they are driving west.
The windshield wipers wipe, homesickness one way, wanderlust the other, back and forth.
This happened to your father and to you, Galway--sick to stay, longing to come up against the ends of
the earth, and climb over.

CHW said...

I haven't wanted to flee anything since childhood. Then, there was no escape.

As a younger man, I traveled often. For work I traveled alone, and often felt displaced...and also freed. For fun I traveled with Dana, who gave me a home, who made anywhere we were our home.

Now I can't travel. There's no money and no time for it. When I do travel, it's just another kind of work.

I miss it so.

Gord said...

That first photo is brilliant. I knew I had to leave a comment when I saw it.

Then I worked through the rest of the post...your words on travelling, leaving, fleeing, returning, place/displacement...thoughts I've been struggling with as I slot back into "home" after weeks wandering through Europe.

Beautiful post, Traci. Thank you.